A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. 'Oh, it was very disappointing,' he said. 'I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital.
Patient: I keep dreaming about monkeys. Every night, nothing but monkeys, monkeys, monkeys.
Psychiatrist: How does that make you feel?
Patient: If you give me a banana, I'll tell you.
Patient: Doctor, please can you help me out?
Doctor: Yes, you may make your way out the same way you come in.
Doctor: You have a heart problem.. So, throw away anything which make you feel bad..
Patient: So, Can I throw your hospital charges bill?
A note on dentists' door: “Smile. You might be doing this for the last time".
Young lady to father "Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor."
Father: “We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!"
Lady: “Why father?"
Patient: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key.
Patient: We lost the duplicate key!!
Patient: 3 Months Ago
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Patient: We were using duplicate key.
Doctor: So why did you come today?
Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in used toaster oven aluminum foil, what's wrong with me?
Doctor: You have far too much free time.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: With pain $200 and without pain $100.
Patient: Well, without pain it's cheaper. Pull it without pain.
Without anesthesia neither anything, the dentist begins to extract the tooth, when the patient outcry: Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
Hey, with pain it costs $200!!!, replies the dentist.
Six children and two dogs were sharing one umbrella; how come none of them got wet?
A man was pushed out of an airplane without a parachute. How was he able to survive?
I am a bird that is not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I?
A truck driver is going down a one way street the wrong way, and passes at least ten cops. Why he is not caught?
What goes up and down, but still remains in the same place?
Using eight eights and addition only, can you make 1000?