Patient: What is the probability of success in undergoing a bypass surgery?
Doctor: 100%!!
Patient: But how can you be so sure of achieving 100% success?
Doctor: On the day of convocation, my professor told me that when you practise medicine chances of failure will be 99% and success 1%. I have already attended 99 patients (failed to cure them) and you are the 100th!!
Student doctor: 'Please sir, there's some writing on this patient's foot.'
Famous surgeon: 'Ah, yes! That's a footnote.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Patient: 'I've got a terrible pain in my right arm, doctor.'
Doctor: 'Don't worry, it's just old age.'
Patient: 'But in that case, why doesn't my left arm hurt, too - I've had it just as long?'
A patient recovered from mental illness after three years from a mental hospital. Health minister came to release him.
Patient said, “Thank you very much, but may I know who are you?”
Health Minister: “You don’t know, I am Health Minister”.
Patient: “Don’t worry. Just stay in this hospital for three years, you will be all right and recover from this mental illness. When I came here I was also Health Minister.”
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."
Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Surgeons looking at the X-ray picture:
- Oh-hhh! Clavicle and two ribs broken, crack in fibula. Not bad, in Photoshop will corrected.
Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth...
Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Back
