Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Patient went to the doctor this morning and told him that he felt run down.
'Why do you feel that?' Doctor asked.
'Because,' patient replied, 'I've got tyre marks on my legs.
'Doctor, doctor! My small son has just swallowed a roll of film.'
'Don't worry. Let him rest a bit and we'll wait and see what develops.
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer
Worried patient: 'Doctor, I'm very worried. I'm still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work every evening.'
Doctor: 'Oh, that's nothing to worry about. Just have a few drinks before your dinner - that will soon wake you up.'
Patient: 'Thanks very much, doctor! But when I consulted you before, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol completely.'
Doctor: 'Yes, so I did. But that was last week, old chap - and medical science has progressed enormously since then.
Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: That depends on whether it has health insurance.
A2: None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the surgery later.
A3: None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
A4: None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.
A5: Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
A6: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Doctor: What is your problem?
Patient: My insomnia is so bad, I can't even sleep on the job.
A man visits his optician and says "Doctor, I'm having difficulty seeing distant objects".
The optician opens the curtains and points into the sky. "What's that"? The man walks over, looks up and says "It's the Sun". The optician says "How far do you want to see"?
Patient: Doctor how I could avoid getting a disease from biting insects.
Doctor: Not to bite any.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeate in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
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