A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
Dentistry:
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh…, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner!
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
Respiration: "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire" "Respiration consists of two acts: first inspiration, then expectoration."
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
Two little kids lined up for surgery are lying in stretchers outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid tries to reassure the other and says, "Oh! don't worry. It's very simple. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream."
The second kid, feeling a little better, then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax, the heart and lungs; and the abominable cavity, the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
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